Natural Spring Water
by mandaree1
Summary: Principal Sauerbraten and his goons have discovered what remains of the fountain of youth! He's selling it to adults to remain strong forever! Headed by Numbuh 362 herself, the Kids Next Door have taken over the school to search and steal the key to ending the tyranny of adults. But how far is too far?


**Disclaimer: I don't own Codename; Kids Next Door!**

 **Title: Natural Spring Water**

 **Summary: Principal Sauerbraten and his goons have discovered what remains of the fountain of youth! He's selling it to adults to remain strong forever! Headed by Numbuh 362 herself, the Kids Next Door have taken over the school to search and steal the key to ending the tyranny of adults. But how far is too far, when the only way to retrieve what you need most is to act like the villains they fight against?**

 **...**

The morning bells had begun to chime at Gallagher Elementary. Children of various ages tromped up the stairs carrying bookbags and lunchboxes and sour frowns. Very few above the age of Kindergarten were excited to sit and learn from their teachers, while others planned to stare out the windows at the grassy playgrounds outside or imagined themselves at home, playing sick. A rather intimidating custodian followed behind, pushing a cart of Principal Sauerbraten's All Natural Spring Water, swatting a hand that came too close. The sign taped to the sides read Adults Only.

One group did not follow the others. Sectuh V had taken the liberty of secluding themselves to the side of the building, where the brick blocked the security cameras. Windows poked holes into the wall further down, but they made sure to avoid being visible through them. In Numbuh 1's hands was a bottle of Principal Sauerbraten's All Natural Spring Water, which he held like a docile bomb- confidently but carefully. "Good work, Numbuh 5. You're sure no one saw you take it?"

Numbuh 5 uncrossed her arms to wave the notion away. "It was easy, boss."

Numbuh 4 peered out into the front yard, back pressed against the brick wall. "What's natural spring water even _mean_ , anyway? It sounds all formal and _boring_."

"It's exactly what it says, silly!" Numbuh 3 interjected, flapping her sweater sleeves like a pair of wings. "Water they scooped out of a natural spring somewhere!"

The boy glanced at her, baffled. "Don't that got rocks and dirt in it? What kinda adults want rocks and dirt in their crummy water?"

"I mean, I'm _sure_ they filter it beforehand. It'd be all gross otherwise!"

Numbuh 4 was unimpressed. "Then it's just water," he snorted, rolling his eyes. "Man, it's just like an adult to use extra long words that don't mean nothin'."

Numbuh 1 held the refreshment by its rear, finger to his chin. "What do you make of it, Numbuh 2?"

The boy leaned forward to inspect it, eyes narrowed behind his goggles. "It looks like regular ol' water to me, Numbuh 1."

"But it has to be _more_ than that," he asserted stubbornly. "Adults have never taken command of something as commonplace as _water_ before."

"Boy, you ain't been paying attention in history class, have you?" Numbuh 5 commented.

" _Point being_ ," Numbuh 1 returned with a glare, "that water has never been a goal."

"They can keep it, if you ask me." Numbuh 4 huffily scuffed a boot in the dirt. "Water is _boring_. Gimme pop any day."

"Exactly my point, Numbuh 4." The leader pointed at the younger operative triumphantly. "Adults always want to take the _fun_ out of life for children. Not something as bland and tasteless as _water_."

Numbuh 5 daintily put her index finger on the cap of the bottle. "Well, there's only one way to test it, and I ain't doin' it. That bottle could have junk in it that's bad for kids."

Numbuh 1 recoiled. "It's _poisoned_!?"

The oldest operative flicked the brim of her hat up thoughtfully. "Numbuh 5's never heard of somethin' adults can have that kids can't, but it _could_ be full'a vitamins and minerals."

"That's even _worse_ than poison!" Numbuh 3 wailed.

"You know what?" Numbuh 4 interjected, roughly jerking the bottle out of his leader's hand. "Let's just pour it on the grass or somethin'. If nothin' happens, then that's that."

There was a pause as Sectuh V processed the information.

"That's... actually a pretty good idea," Numbuh 2 admitted sheepishly. "I shoulda thought of that."

Numbuh 4 snarled at him. The short lad twisted the cap off with an effortless jerk of the wrist. "Alright, where do I dump this?"

Numbuh 5 gestured to a small yellow dandelion, poking its stem up above the blades of grass. The operative nodded to show he understood and tromped over, haphazardly swishing the liquid in its plastic cage. Numbuh 3 let out a displeased groan as he neared the innocent plant.

"Careful, Numbuh 4," Numbuh 1 chided. "We don't know what will happen if it gets on you."

"You want me to pour this stupid thing or not?" he asked, then tipped the bottle over. All natural spring water, whatever all that entailed, splattered across the ground with a hissing noise. Numbuh 4 capped the bottle with a satisfied nod. "There. Hey, were did the girly flower go?"

"It didn't _go_ anywhere, Wally," Numbuh 5 murmured after a heartbeat of silence, bending down to scoop something out of the grass blades. They suddenly seemed much less impressive now. "Check it out."

"Uh, Numbuh 5?" Numbuh 4 pointed at the object in the palm of her hand. "That's not a flower. That's a seed."

"Let me see that!" Numbuh 1 ripped the seed from his second-in-command with vigor. He pulled his sunglasses down to properly examine it. "But... that doesn't make sense."

"Uh, Numbuh 1?" Numbuh 2 hesitantly got his attention. "It kinda does."

"But we _destroyed_ that thing," he protested weakly, staring at the seed sitting in the palm of his hand.

" _What_ thing? Don't leave a guy hangin'."

"The fountain of youth, Numbuh 4." Numbuh 3 shook Numbuh 4's shoulder to get his attention. "It's de-age-ifying water."

"It's _WHAT_ now?"

The gathered group of kids all jumped and hunched themselves over as local menace Fanny Fulbright came marching up to their hiding place, a ragged green KND backpack swinging free from her right hand. Numbuh 1 straightened and begrudgingly saluted, prompted by a sour look from Numbuh 5. "Numbuh 86! We... thought you were inside."

"Bad 'bout of traffic made me late. Now _gimme_ that." The red-head forcefully took both the seed and the bottle of water from the two operatives, peering at the label on the bottle. "'Adults only'? What daft adults want to restrict water?"

"That's what got us curious-"

"Shaddup. I didn't ask you." She gestured to them with the water bottle. "Now, what's this about a fountain of youth?"

* * *

Fanny Fulbright is not what people would label as a forgiving woman. She watches, her green eyes ablaze, as another dab of water de-age-ifies the seed out of existence. She caps the bottle. She tucks it into her pack. Once the bag is zipped, she proceeds to scream for a good half hour.

"I learned new words today, Numbuh 1!" Numbuh 3 whispers conspiratorially, smiling in a way that's not completely innocent. It's only natural, he supposes, that Fanny would know more adult lingo than them, her father being Mr. Boss, but he wasn't entirely sure if using said words in or around operatives was completely legal. Earth etiquette was a lot different from Moonbase etiquette, which was completely off-color to Decommissioning Unit etiquette, and Fanny had a roundabout knowledge of all three.

After her lecture ended, she slipped a throat lozenge into her mouth and led them into the Numbuh 2's supply closest, closing and locking the door in a quick but efficient manner.

"Here," said Numbuh 86, handing them a tuna can communicator. "You lot can give Numbuh 362 yer report." She heaved a great sigh. "I'd... better get this to President Eggbert."

She went to leave, but Numbuh 3 immediately blocked her path. "I'll do it!"

Numbuh 86's frown didn't dissipate, but it got a little softer. "Kuki, dear, this is really _yer_ Sectuh's mix-up-"

The Japanese girl grabbed her wrists, all smiles. "It's okay, Fanny!" she insisted. "I know how much you hate boys. And, besides, Numbuh 362 will be happy to hear from you, don't you think?"

Her pale cheeks grew red. "I mean, Numbuh 362 is a busy working woman..."

"And you help her! So get over there and help, silly!"

Numbuh 5 and Numbuh 1 exchanged a look.

"Oh," said Numbuh 5, smiling, "she's good."

* * *

In the end, Numbuh 362 _did_ seem happy to hear from Numbuh 86. That is, at least, until she presented Sectuh V, sans Numbuh 3, guilt-faced, chins pressed to their shirts, to give their testimonials.

There was a _very_ long pause as their Soopreme Leaduh digested this information. Numbuh 86 hovered, hands behind her back. "Sir?"

"Give me a second." Shuffling. The operative seemed to be settling herself into a chair. They all imagined her rubbing the bridge of her nose. "Guys, I _know_ filing reports isn't much fun, but come'on. You could be decommissioned for this, y'know."

The Global Tactical Officer took a step closer. "Sir, should I-"

"Fanny."

She faltered, gulping. "Sir?"

"Why didn't you tell me about this sooner?"

"I- I didn't _know_ , sir."

"So you're telling me this happened in your school- under your boots, for that matter- and you weren't _aware_ of it?"

Numbuh 86 clenched her hands into fists. Numbuh 362 was on an entirely different planet, but her voice, the merest flicker of her presence, made everyone in the room stare at the floor, ashamed for various reasons. "Aye, sir. I suppose I am."

She hummed. "We'll speak more on this later. Numbuh 1?"

He cleared his throat. "Numbuh 362?"

"Nigel," Rachel responded, blandly. "I know your Sectuh is busy. I've never once heckled you for being late with your reports. But things like the _fountain of youth under a school building_ should be on my desk a day or so after, tops. I'm very disappointed in you."

"I-" Nigel hesitated, then shook his head. "Never mind."

"Spill it."

"I was under the impression that _Numbuh 5_ would be making this report, sir. She headed the mission."

Numbuh 5 turned to him, eyebrows raising. "Are you serious? I don't head team missions."

"But-"

"No excuses, Nigel," Numbuh 362 scolded. "You can't rely on Numbuh 5 to do everything boring for you."

Numbuh 1 glanced around his team helplessly, then the tuna can communicator. "It's not that, Rachel. Numbuh 86 and I... we have some issues, sir. For the sake of our mutual benefit I have Numbuh 5 run interference. No offense, Numbuh 86."

"None taken," Numbuh 86 said cheerfully. "I hate the very air you breathe, boy."

"I can understand that," the leader admitted. "I didn't make Numbuh 86 my Global Tactical Officer for her social skills. Fanny?"

She jolted. "Yes, sir?"

"Get your little team together. We're going to need the extra muscle."

Fanny saluted, though Numbuh 362 couldn't see it. "Aye, sir! I can have us into position within the hour."

"Good. We're taking this school, and we're going to do it _right_."

* * *

"Can't you and your delinquent friends do _anything_ right?" The 2nd Grade President screeches when Kuki finishes her story, grabbing and shaking her arm. "You lot had one job! _One_! Is it really so hard to wreck a fountain in an underground school without caving in the whole building?"

"Well..." Kuki offered thoughtfully. "There _was_ a giant robot."

"This is a _mess_ ," the 3rd Grade President informed them with a discouraged sigh. "We're totally going into a bad patch."

"Get a hold of yourself, kid!" The 5th Grade President grabbed his arm. "It's five against one. Let's just _go in there_ and tell Principal Sourbutt exactly what Gallagher Elementary thinks about the spring water being for adults only!"

"You have a death wish," the black-haired boy said.

" _I_ think he's got a point." The 1st Grade President puffed out his small chest. "As the Presidents of our grades, we must speak up for them! It is our duty to go to the adults and find a compromise we all can agree with. 4th Grade President?"

President Eggbert grunted, looked around, and glanced at Kuki pleadingly. The Japanese girl didn't respond. He nodded unhappily.

"Ha!" The oldest one exclaimed. "It's three against two. Sorry, 2nd, 3rd, but we win."

"I never said I _disagreed_ ," the 2nd Grade President said stiffly. "Only that the Kids Next Door _really_ messed up this time."

They all turned to stare at Kuki, who was examining her sleeve-covered hands. She quickly hid them behind her back. "What?"

"What nothing!" The 2nd Grade President sniped. "Are you in or not?"

"Oh." Numbuh 3 fell silent again, swinging her arms. She eventually shook her head. "I dunno!"

"You... don't know?"

"Yup!"

The 3rd Grade President lurched forward, grabbing her shoulders. "How could you not know? Isn't this your specialty?"

She looked at his hands, then at him. "I mean, yeah, but... Numbuh 1 calls the shots, ya'know?" She bit her lip. "Actually, this is big time stuff, so I dunno _who's_ in charge right now, exactly, but it's not me."

The 1st Grade President tugged on her sweater. "Does that really matter?"

"Look," said Kuki. "Usually, I can just say yes. Numbuh 1 is my friend, and he supports me as his friend. But sometimes it's about more than friends. It's about a bunch of things that you gotta be really careful about, and this is one of those things. I don't want the others to be disappointed in me."

"What does that even mean?"

"I gotta go!" Numbuh 3 decided suddenly, pulling away. She jogged to the door, arms flailing. "Numbuh 1 is waiting for me to report back." They all watched in silence as she left.

"You _know_ we're doomed without the Kids Next Door, right?"

"Quit being such a pessimist. Kid-kind has survived without them before, and will continue to do so." The 5th Grade President punched the 3rd grader's shoulder. "Let's go get us some water."

* * *

"So... let me get this straight." Principal Sauerbraten steepled his fingers, blinking down at the gathered children. "You want me to give over the rights to _all_ the water I found on my school grounds?"

"N-No, sir." The 3rd Grade President hesitantly raised his hand. "We're asking you to share it with the classes."

"It's only right," the 5th Grade President added, crossing his arms. "This is our school too, yo."

"This is true," the adult agreed. "But you children have never shown any interest in our water before. Why, I'd go so far as to say you hate it!"

"It _is_ pretty bland," the 1st Grade President said, and Principal Sauerbraten nodded solemnly.

"I simply don't see why you would be interested _now_. Has our milk gone stale? Has the pop supplier gone dry? Do I need to take money out of your book funds to cater to your thirst?"

"You know why!" The 2nd Grade President interjected, pointing a finger at the man. "That water is magic, and you lot are keeping it to yourselves! It's not fair!"

All at once, the Principal's demeanor changed. He grew quiet, somber even, putting his chin in his hands. Principal Sauerbraten eyed them a long moment, taking in a deep breath through his nose. "I see. You know too much, then."

"We know the _truth_ ," the 1st Grade President replied.

"Which is too much." He waved them off with a hand. "Listen, kids. I don't need you brats getting in my way. I'd hoped I could buy you off with some stupid milk or something, but obviously I was being too nice."

They all glanced at each other, mildly unsettled by his tone.

"Let's make this simple." He leaned forward, brow furrowed angrily. "You're going to keep this to yourselves, or you're out of this school."

"You can't do that!"

"I can and will. Principal Smellings will be more than happy to replace all of you with kids easier to handle." He cleared his throat and stood, slamming his hands on the desk. "So, what's your decision?"

There was a long, silent pause, until finally the 3rd Grade President coughed into his fist. "For a long time, I never understood why I was made President of my grade. I got put on the ballot as a joke, but I won in a landslide. It freaked me out, honestly," he said. "But I've come to realize; they expect me to do what's best. For the grade. And sometimes that means I've gotta put them above my own personal feelings. That's why I'm here. And, sometimes, what I want and what's best correlate, like right now. Kid-dom doesn't need immortality."

"You're backing out?" The 5th Grade President demanded.

"I'm being logical," he returned calmly. "If parents want to lose their gray hairs, I say let them. All it's going to do for my grade is put us in diapers."

The 1st Grade President sniffed. "Well, _I'm_ not backing down. This is about much more than our particular grades."

He shrugged. "That's the difference between you and me. We've got different goals."

"You could stand to take a lesson from that shrimp's book," Principal Sauerbraten told them all. "Surely this isn't worth all the trouble? You brats have years ahead of you yet. Go back to your classes and learn something."

The children all looked to each other, unsure of what to do. No one wanted to be the one to make that first move and set the pace for the fellow members of their school. This was an oddly delicate situation, as far as situations elementary students face are concerned, and one wrong step could put a lot of kids into detention- or worse.

"I think-" the 1st Grade President started, but never got to finish his sentence.

The door to the office kicked open with a flourish, startling them all. Sectuh V marched in with stoic expression, armed with S.C.A.M.P.P.s. They lined the entrance of the doorway as Numbuh 86 gruffly strolled in, flanked by six operatives, and finally a blonde girl none of them had ever seen before. Numbuh 1 closed the door behind her.

"Chair," she said. Numbuh 86 immediately grabbed one from the back wall, dragging it over to the office desk where Principal Sauerbraten sat, dumbfounded. She kept it balanced as the blonde girl climbed up and put her arms behind her back. "Good morning, Principal Sauerbraten. I've been hearing about you since the first bell rang."

"Who are you?" he demanded.

"Numbuh 362 of Moonbase Headquarters," she greeted. "I know how you adults get about numbuhs and stuff, though, so you may call me Rachel. I'm the Soopreme Leaduh of the Kids Next Door organization. Numbuh 86 here is my Global Tactical Officer, which is nothing to sneeze at. You already know Sectuh V."

The principal raised an eyebrow. "Do you go to this school?"

"I do not," she informed him with a particular relish of rule-breaking. "I'm not here for idle talk, Sauerbraten. We're taking that fountain."

"And how do you propose to do that?" He smiled in an unlikable manner, showcasing a set of teeth that hadn't eaten many sweets lately, despite being allowed to do so whenever he wanted. "Are you going to file a complaint, then? None of your parents would be stupid enough to take this to court- for that matter, they reap more bounty by turning the other way. You've lost, girl. Now skedaddle, before I'm forced to call security."

Rachel snapped her fingers with a calm air. "Fanny."

There was a creak and a grunt, and before anyone knew it there was Numbuh 86, standing quite confidently on Principal Sauerbraten's desk, pointing a rather splinter-filled S.P.L.A.N.K.E.R. at his face. A heavy silence filled the room.

"You wouldn't," he challenged.

"She would," Rachel assured him. "And we all know it."

The 5th Grade President snuck a shocked look at Sectuh V, but none of them moved. No one said a word. They all stared straight ahead, awaiting orders. Even Numbuh 3, who had been so lively earlier, made no effort to lighten the mood, frowning discouragingly. Fanny, on her end, didn't move. She only glared at the man, finger firmly pressed against the trigger.

"Here's what's going to happen," the Soopreme Leaduh started, having let that sink in. "You're going to end school early. Tell them you believe there might be a lice outbreak coming. After that, my operatives are going to search this place top to bottom, find the fountain of youth, and do what we have to do. Once that's all said and done, you'll be free to go."

"This is stupid," he said.

"I suppose it is," she agreed, "if you're not playing for keeps."

Fanny nudged the microphone on the corner of his desk with her boot, pushing it until it was close enough for Principal Sauerbraten to grab. Numbuh 362 waited patiently atop her chair, arms behind her back. The adult gave them both a sour look, cleared his throat, and pressed the button. They all could faintly hear his voice echoing down the halls.

"Attention, Gallagher Elementary. Due to a possible outbreak of lice, classes will be canceled for the rest of the day. Teachers are advised to lead their students into the main hall to wait for the arrival of their parents. We apologize for the inconvenience."

He flipped the switch off. Rachel nonchalantly reached out and grabbed it.

"And now, we wait."

" _Quietly_ ," Fanny added, lightly tapping the trigger. Principal Sauerbraten flinched.

Rachel nodded an affirmative, then glanced at the gathered operatives. "Numbuhs 3 and 4, I want you searching the upper floors. Numbuh 2, you head for the basement. Disassemble anything and everything- if you think a secret passage could be behind it, go for it. Fanny's troops will be more than happy to help you."

"They'd be honored, sir," Numbuh 86 echoed, though she looked rather displeased about it.

"Uh, Numbuh 362?" Numbuh 1 prompted.

"Numbuhs 1 and 5," she responded, turning to them fully. "You two know this school best. You're the oldest, most experienced members on your team. For that very reason, I've got a super special job for you. It'll require stepping on some toes."

Nigel glanced at Abby, who gave no outward response. "Those things _are_ all true."

"Then I'll take that as a yes."

"Yes, sir."

* * *

Something was wrong.

Leona wasn't entirely sure what told her that. An age-old instinct? Probably not. School had never been ending this early; not for lice. For all the work the KND had done to mold the system, there were still certain things adults refused to budge on- taking time out of their busy days to pick up lice-infested kids was one of them. And that was fine- kids had no issue with walking home themselves around here.

The second problem was that, for the first time in about a week, she could walk upstairs and into the forbidden corridor without facing any guards. She hadn't had to sneak. That seemed illogical- sure, the guards that had been set up had been rather lackluster, but that didn't make it a wise decision to ditch them all together. Leona moved through the empty halls with ease, finding the fountain and refilling a water bottle she'd been keeping since that janitor had taken a sip and re-grown his hair. She took a long drink for luck, then doubled back on herself.

"Leona!"

Leona startled with a squeak. She whirled around, hands up, shoulders stiff, though she found herself relaxing as Numbuh 5 came around the corner. "Oh, Abigail. What are you doing here?"

"Didn't you hear? There's a lice infestation. Gotta investigate." Numbuh 5 put a consoling hand on her shoulder. "Better question. Why are _you_ here?"

"I, uh..." she hesitated. No. Even she was one too many to know. "I forgot something. In my locker."

"Then let's go get it." The operative hooked her arm around her's. "Together."

"But-" she started, but it was too late. They walked in silence, Numbuh 5's arm still wrapped around her's, shoes squeaking across the floor. "Abigail?"

"Yeah?"

"I never told you where my locker was."

She didn't respond to that. Leona gave an experimental tug, finding herself unable to break free. They turned a corner. "Abigail?"

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, Leona," Abby warned. "Numbuh 5 don't want to fight you."

Her heart rate skittered at that. There wasn't a kid alive that hadn't borne witness to what a fully trained Kids Next Door operative could do, from a distance or right up close, and Abigail was a senior member. "Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere that can help."

"Help what?"

"Help _you_ , Leona. We're gonna see about weaning you off that water. You deserve to live a normal childhood, and it's Numbuh 5's job to give that to you."

"And if I don't want that?" she asked, giving a particularly harsh yank. Abigail was unmoved.

"That's where I come in."

A third set of sneakers joined them as Nigel turned the corner, wielding a S.P.I.C.E.R. II. He seemed fairly non-aggressive, but willing to change that in an instant. "Leona," he acknowledged.

"Nigel." She nodded at him. Leona wondered if Abigail could feel her shaking. Probably. "You realize how messed up this is, right?"

He tipped his chin so she could see his eyes over his sunglasses. "You realize I have no authority in this matter, right?"

"Don't do it, girl," Abigail warned, feeling her tense. A weapon was pressed into her back. "Numbuh 5 _really_ don't wanna hurt you."

Leona twisted her neck at an uncomfortable angle to look her in the eye. "Would you, Abigail? I thought we were friends."

"Numbuh 5," Nigel rumbled.

"This is my job, Leona," she said pleadingly. "You understand that, right?"

"I understand, Abigail." Leona leaned a bit closer. "And I'm sorry."

That's about when she punched the operative in the nose.

Nigel let out a cry of shock, and in that second Leona rammed him. The boy grunted, stumbled, but ultimately kept upright. She ducked under his arms and sprinted for it.

"Get back here!" Nigel roared. Leona didn't dare look back. "Numbuh 5, cut her off!"

It wasn't long before the operative was by her side and sprinting, fumbling to pinch her nose. She put on a burst of speed and surpassed her, pointing her personal weapon (a M.U.S.K.E.T.) directly at her chest.

"You're good, Leona," she panted, "but you ain't _that_ good."

"Wanna bet?" she asked.

Nigel skidded to a stop, aiming his S.P.I.C.E.R. II at her. He was on full alert now. "It's not often someone gets the drop on us. You should feel proud, Leona."

"It's hard to feel proud when I've got two guns pointed at me."

"We're just trying to help you," he insisted.

"Somehow," she said. "I doubt that."

A shot blasted. Two. A body thudded to the floor.

* * *

Fanny restrains Principal Sauerbraten to a cafeteria table with some makeshift G.U.M.M.B.O. The Presidents were no longer being held up 2X4-point, though none of them felt particularly comfortable. They'd been seated at a separate table by stiff but polite operatives before they all set off, leaving Numbuh 362 and her Global Tactical Officer to move their hostages somewhere a bit better suited for their goals.

Numbuh 86 gave one last forceful tug on the restraints and stepped back, hands on her hips. "There. You jus' sit there and be quiet, and maybe we'll let ya' go after we're done."

"Fanny," Rachel chided. The redhead lapsed into silence. She turned to the gathered Presidents. "That applies to you all as well. Well, not the be quiet bit, but the letting you go bit. We're truly sorry about this inconvenience."

"Are all moon operatives like this?" 2nd Grade President asked, torn between respect and fear. "Because you two are a lot more metal than Sectuh V ever was."

The blonde girl shrugged her shoulder. "It depends on assignment."

"This is bogus, man," the 5th Grade President growled, shifting closer to the 3rd Grade President, who was getting shakier by the minute. "We're no threat to the Kids Next Door. Never have been, never will be."

"Anyone can be a threat if they have the right information," Numbuh 362 pointed out. "Which you do."

"This is _stupid_!" the 2nd Grade President exclaims, looking quite cross.

Numbuh 86 took a threatening step forward. "Shut yer yap, you little-"

"Fanny!" Rachel forcefully grabbed her shoulder. "He's _scared_. Let him be."

The redhead squinted distrustfully at the group of children, the 5th Grade President especially, then turned away with a huff. Numbuh 362 offered a mute apology, nodding, then followed her Global Tactical Officer. They whisper to each other, hands moving, until finally Numbuh 86 sighs and nods.

The _ka-blam!_ of a door being kicked open echoed through the halls and cafeteria. Fanny pulled out her personal M.U.S.K.E.T. and took aim at one of the main entrances. Rachel in turn retrieved a metal pole from her pocket, which unfolded into a staff-like weapon, complete with a jokingly tiny yield sign and boxing glove.

"On my command," she told the redhead, then raised her voice. "Who's out there? Show yourself!"

"S'just us, 362," Numbuh 5's voice called back. The Moonbase operatives lowered their weapons as she pushed the door open with her shoulder. Numbuh 1's arm was wrapped around her shoulder as they walked into the cafeteria. He was gimping heavily. "Leona barricaded herself on the third floor."

"What in- how the _blazes_ did this happen?" Numbuh 86 chucked her M.U.S.K.E.T. to the side and raced over, concern etched across her face. Numbuh 5 set the boy down at the table and moved back to give the girl room to work. "She's a civilian, for heaven's sake!"

"She's also top notch at dodgeball," Numbuh 1 supplied, groaning. "Numbuh 5 hit me in the ankle."

Fanny turned to her. "Abby? Ya'll right?"

Numbuh 5 shrugged her right shoulder. The left dangled by her side. "Got hit, but Numbuh 5's had worse."

The ex-medic grumbled to herself as she ripped a bit of green cloth off her jumper to wrap Nigel's ankle, looking eternally displeased that she had ruined her clothing for the operative's sake. "Ye'll live. Unfortunately." Fanny kicked his uninjured ankle. "Yer of no good to us now, boy, so keep still and focus on healin'."

Numbuh 362 was frowning. "Nigel, you _know_ we aren't supposed to aim that high when we're incapacitating people. You could've seriously hurt her."

Numbuh 1 peered out from under his elbow. "Sorry, Abby."

"No worries." Numbuh 5 patted his shoulder. "I've got this."

The Soopreme Leaduh stared at her worriedly. "Are you sure you're up to fighting her? A S.P.I.C.E.R. to the shoulder is never a good time."

"Numbuh 5 said she would," she insisted, "so she's gonna."

"If this is too much-"

"All I need is a key." The operative looked meaningfully at Principal Sauerbraten, who squinted at her with beady eyes. "And I'm pretty sure we got that on hand."

* * *

Numbuh 5 felt no trepidation as she quietly shut the stairwell door, locking it with a quick flick of the wrist. If anything, she felt excited. It wasn't often someone got the drop on her, even for a second, and she enjoyed a good challenge. This wasn't an adult or Cree; this was a kid, nothing more. Guilt weighed her down, but her steps didn't falter even when she rounded the steps into the long hallway. The third floor was small and mostly in disuse, cobwebbed with dust. You'd have to be pretty desperate to hide here.

Leona was pretty desperate.

"S'just me this time, Leona!" Numbuh 5 called, drawing her weapon. "Did Numbuh 1 some bad boo-boos, but he'll be alright. You gonna come out, or do I need to come looking?"

The empty silence was her answer. Numbuh 5 sighed- her shoulder burned, but it wasn't enough to warrant sitting out quite yet- and slowly scanned the lockers. "You got nowhere to hide, Leona. The Kids Next Door's got this place on lockdown." Her tone turned pleading. "We're here to _help you_ , Leona."

"That's a lie," she whispered, louder than she intended, "and we all know it."

Numbuh 5 paused, listening, then started forward. " _I_ don't know that. You know me, girl. Would I really leave a fellow kid to the wolves?"

"You brought the wolves here in the first place. It's _your_ fault they're on the prowl."

Numbuh 5 tapped a locker with her fist. It came up hollow. "I'm just followin' orders here. And the sooner we settle this, the sooner we can all clear out."

Leona's voice hisses through her braces. "Don't you feel even a little ashamed, Abigail? I thought the Kids Next Door was supposed to keep kids _safe_."

"We _do_ ," she insisted.

"How is taking the fountain going to do anything? You'll hoard it all to yourselves. That's why you've all been so hardheaded about taking me down; it's not because you care, it's because you want to make sure you don't have any competition. You're all just a bunch of hypocrites."

Numbuh 5 was a bit miffed. "Think of the possibilities here, Leona. If the Kids Next Door never grows old, we'll never need to decommission again. That's a big deal to us, you know? Nobody wants to have their memories ripped from them."

"Then change the system," she said through gritted teeth.

"It ain't that easy, girl," Abby tsked. "We're making history today, Leona, good or bad. Which side you gonna be on?"

There was a long stretch of silence, punctuated only by Abby's footsteps on the linoleum floor. She didn't tap anymore lockers.

"Do you really think," Numbuh 5 said finally, "that _this_ is the most morally gray thing I've ever done? It's not, believe me. I'm not ashamed of it, neither." She pointed her M.U.S.K.E.T. at a random locker. "Now get out of there."

The sound of a door opening startled her. Leona hadn't been in that locker, but now all that mattered was that she was taking off towards the door Numbuh 5 had entered in. She followed at a sprint, grabbing her as she feebly attempted the knob. "I figured you wouldn't hear me lock it," she said, shrugging. "This is gonna be for the best of everyone, Leona."

"I hate you," she spat, nose wrinkled with rage.

Numbuh 5 seemed unconcerned. "You aren't the first."

* * *

Numbuh 362 inquires if Numbuh 5 is alright to continue the mission afterwards. All she said on the matter is that she's done harder things, to which the Soopreme Leaduh responds with a pat to the shoulder and a muted thank you.

Numbuh 2 joins them half an hour later, caked in cobwebs and clutching a wrench. "We found 'er!"

Numbuh 86 gleefully hopped off her seat, brandishing a rare smile. "'Bout time, Gilligan!" She turned a harsh eye on the Presidents and Principal. "You lot stay here. Put a toe outta line and yer hide'll be the price you pay."

For once Rachel didn't chide her as she hefted Nigel up onto her shoulders, letting the operative lean on her. "Come'on, buddy. You deserve to see this after all you did today."

They didn't speak as descended the stairwell and into the basement. Numbuh 2 vibrated with nervous energy as he turned them towards an ancient water heater, larger than any of the children put together. The rest of their entourage was hard at work, trying (and failing) to wrestle it away.

"This whole thing sucks," Numbuh 4 griped as Numbuh 5 came to join him. "I say we just leave it."

"Shut it," Numbuh 5 replied. Wally grunted but didn't argue, looking at her with surprise.

It took almost all of them to remove the heater, revealing a small tunnel you wouldn't've seen otherwise. Fresh air blew gently out of it, signaling that it opened up somewhere close by. Fanny's group went first, led by the Head of Decommissioning herself, then Sectuh V. Rachel was the very last, carrying Nigel's weight without complaint. The passage got smaller, then wider, slowly but surely opening up into what could safely be assumed as an old school lobby. Pillars of yellow lay crumpled and disheveled, with one or two having fallen into a makeshift wishing fountain in the far back.

"See?" Numbuh 4 demanded, lifting his hands up. "It's just a fancy name for crummy dirt water!"

"You're right," Numbuh 3 admitted with a sheepish nod. "I guess I owe you a quarter, huh?"

"Decon Squad, get the explosives out of the S.C.A.M.P.E.R.s," Numbuh 362 commanded, seeming to suddenly come to a decision. "We're blowing this place sky high."

The decommissioning officers looked at each other, surprised, then plunged back into the passage. Hoagie took an awkward step closer. "Uh, sir? Is that even safe?"

Rachel fixed him a look. "Make it safe, Numbuh 2."

He saluted wearily. "Yes, sir."

Nigel lifted his head and spoke very quietly. "Are you sure this is wise? We can just-"

"Numbuh 1," she shot back. "Don't question my leadership."

He slowly nodded. "Yes, sir."

When the decommissioning Squad returned, Numbuh 362 left.

* * *

Cleanup is quick and quiet. The Principal and Grade Presidents are released and given handfuls of candy in return for their time. Principal Sauerbraten promptly threw his away, threatening phone calls and court dates as he lurched off into the mid-afternoon sun. Fanny's soldiers only stayed as long as it took to be dismissed, professionally unattached, with Leona carefully kept in the back. Salutes from Sectuh V all around and then they were off, holding Numbuh 1 between the lot of them.

Finally, all that remained was Fanny and Rachel, standing awkwardly at the cross-section of the sidewalk. The redhead coughed and rubbed her arm. "I'll walk ya home, sir, if yer up to it."

"Do you think I did the right thing?" she asked.

Fanny shrugged. "I think you did what you thought was best, and anybody who questions ya will be having a meetin' with my fist. Simple as that."

Rachel gave the girl a fond look. "Do you ever get tired of being angry?"

"Never," she promised, grinning. Fanny hesitated. "I understand why ya did what ya did. The older folks woulda started a war over the stuff, only woulda led to more bad than good, yadda yadda yadda. Still. It was a waste of good rock water."

"I thought about it," she admitted, shrugging. "But we're not built for full-on war. Sure, no one wins today, but no one is going to die for it, either."

Numbuh 86 patted her shoulder very carefully, stiff. "Yer goin' down in history, sir. It's an honor not many operatives can share."

"I know that, Fanny." She turned away, pulling out a watch. The ex-spy hated the sensation of them on her wrist, but appreciated knowing the time whenever she pleased. "That's my major concern." Rachel tucked it away. "D'ya think Patton is up to ice cream?"

"For you, sir?" she asked. "Always."

 **Author's Note: Over 6,000 words of Kids Next Door! Hot dang, ya'll. I've wanted to explore the KND hierarchy and the places they're willing to go for a while now, so here we are. (No worries about Leona; they're taking her to the medical bay to find a way to wean her body off the fountain water dependency. Think of it like when they helped Henrietta after she became all chocolate)**

 **-Mandaree1**


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